Closure.

by marinashifrin

A year ago today I woke up in a hospital in Taiwan. I was in physical and mental pain. I knew that I would end up in there eventually and I guess, that day was the day. A big reason was because I worked for a person who told me I was a waste of time, wasn’t good at what I did and that I’d never find anything better than where I was. And I believed him. Another reason was the bottle of whisky I drank.

When I realized I still had all my limbs and there were no cute doctors, I gathered my things at the hospital’s front desk, paid the fees and left. I came home, threw myself in the shower and decided to meet up with some coworkers to say goodbye. I didn’t know where I was going or what I was going to do there, but I knew it was my time to leave. I loved my coworkers and (once upon a time) I loved my job. We laughed, talked and gossiped. I told them about a video I made one night after I’d run out of ways to lose my mind. (It was about quitting.) They told me I was crazy. I agreed. We called it a night around 4:30am and I decided to walk home. It was a half hour walk, but Taiwan is so beautiful at night. On the way, I played “Work” by Iggy Azalea on repeat. When I reached the intersection of Ren’ai and Fuxing, I texted one of the friends I was just with: “I am going to do it.” I immediately got a text back: “Burn that mother fucking bridge.” I came home and clicked “Public” on the video I mentioned earlier.

The next day, I was on a plane to Los Angeles flying far away from a person who made me feel like I wasn’t good enough, fast enough or funny enough. That’s it.

A year ago today I woke up in hospital in Taiwan. Tonight I am sipping a celebratory glass of wine, my roommate is eating pizza and we’re watching RuPaul in our lovely Los Angeles apartment. It’s pretty wonderful. I still don’t know where I am going, or what I am going to do there, but I am sure I will be great. You’ll be great too. We’ll all be great as long as we have bright and funny people around us. I am lucky to have some pretty good ones by my side.

If you are in a job, situation or relationship that makes you feel bad, ugly, sad, stupid or anything less than the God/Goddess that you are then please leave. I promise things will be 18 million percent better. Standing up for myself was the greatest career move I’ve ever made and I suggest it to anyone who will listen.

P.S. Thank you to everyone who stood by my side and made me realize that I never want to wake up in a hospital again.

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