Closure.
by marinashifrin
A year ago today I woke up in a hospital in Taiwan. I was in physical and mental pain. I knew that I would end up in there eventually and I guess, that day was the day. A big reason was because I worked for a person who told me I was a waste of time, wasn’t good at what I did and that I’d never find anything better than where I was. And I believed him. Another reason was the bottle of whisky I drank.
When I realized I still had all my limbs and there were no cute doctors, I gathered my things at the hospital’s front desk, paid the fees and left. I came home, threw myself in the shower and decided to meet up with some coworkers to say goodbye. I didn’t know where I was going or what I was going to do there, but I knew it was my time to leave. I loved my coworkers and (once upon a time) I loved my job. We laughed, talked and gossiped. I told them about a video I made one night after I’d run out of ways to lose my mind. (It was about quitting.) They told me I was crazy. I agreed. We called it a night around 4:30am and I decided to walk home. It was a half hour walk, but Taiwan is so beautiful at night. On the way, I played “Work” by Iggy Azalea on repeat. When I reached the intersection of Ren’ai and Fuxing, I texted one of the friends I was just with: “I am going to do it.” I immediately got a text back: “Burn that mother fucking bridge.” I came home and clicked “Public” on the video I mentioned earlier.
The next day, I was on a plane to Los Angeles flying far away from a person who made me feel like I wasn’t good enough, fast enough or funny enough. That’s it.
A year ago today I woke up in hospital in Taiwan. Tonight I am sipping a celebratory glass of wine, my roommate is eating pizza and we’re watching RuPaul in our lovely Los Angeles apartment. It’s pretty wonderful. I still don’t know where I am going, or what I am going to do there, but I am sure I will be great. You’ll be great too. We’ll all be great as long as we have bright and funny people around us. I am lucky to have some pretty good ones by my side.
If you are in a job, situation or relationship that makes you feel bad, ugly, sad, stupid or anything less than the God/Goddess that you are then please leave. I promise things will be 18 million percent better. Standing up for myself was the greatest career move I’ve ever made and I suggest it to anyone who will listen.
P.S. Thank you to everyone who stood by my side and made me realize that I never want to wake up in a hospital again.
Well done to you. And it was a great video.
FM
FM,
Your approval means everything for an insecure writer! Thank you so much!
MS
Hey Marina – thanks for the update – how is everything working out with the ‘make money writing for love’ side of things? I recently stumbled upon Udemy – so many new ways to write / video for money – have you a course in you?
Hi Patrick,
It’s definitely not an easy life, but I’ve set up multiple freelance projects and hustling with other jobs. I have some exciting creative projects on the horizon and enjoy working hard for things I believe in. Thanks for telling me about Udemy, it looks awesome! I am currently enrolled in two classes, but I may check that out once my schedule frees up a bit.
I am currently on this situation and this really hit me. It sucks that I’m not 18 yet but I can’t wait until that day or when I go to university so I can get the f out!
Hey Elaine,
Hang in there and more importantly stay positive. I found that it’s important to fight anger with kindness. It always works. Go to university! I loved college and I learned so much there. Good luck, keep me updated.
It is obvious now that you made the right decision, but it was an extremely brave move at the time. Congratulations. Really.
Olav,
Thank you, thank you. I am pretty lucky it worked out the way did and even luckier to have the support of incredibly sweet people I’ve never met.
Thank you! I so needed to read this today! Glad to hear you are doing much better! Loved that video 🙂
Star,
Thank YOU! I am glad my words resonated with you. If I can help one person through my experiences it makes it all worth it.
I started a reply the other day but of course ended up not posting it at the time – too many interruptions. But…. I just wanted to say – way to go! 😀 Not everything works out the way you planned. Sometimes along the way you find out ‘maybe this isn’t what I want or where I want to go’ so you might have to backtrack and take another path. The thing is, taking chances, making choices outside of your comfort zone and just realizing that it’s time for a change – that’s what you can build your life upon. So keep going Marina – you’re giving me the incentive to keep trying too 🙂 Not your responsibility but thanks for sharing because it’s wonderful to read and it’s great to apply some of that courage to one’s own life. 🙂
Shelley, DO I KNOW about interruptions. I started an “interruptions list” once so I could see what was really distracting me, but it became too distracting. ALSO your words are very wise and very true.
I feel you. I decided I would never allow someone make me feel like that again. When people try to gaslight me I call upon Patrick Swazye and don’t let them put baby in the corner. I smash through their city of lies like Godzilla on PCP.
Chesty,
Oh my gosh, I love that idea…WWPSD?
Now excuse me while I watch Dirty Dancing YouTube clips for the rest of the night.
Thank you for sharing this story. I’m so happy you woke up in the hospital as opposed to not waking up! You are funny and talented and an amazing writer (although perhaps not a great dancer) and I’m so glad that I got to know you a little bit in person in the brief time we worked together. I’m really looking forward to reading that book you were looking for chapter titles for a while ago.
okay Marina…I was right there with you until you cited “WWPSD” . That’s it…the age and popular culture reference gap between us just widened a bit more….sigh. Nevertheless, I can look beyond these youthful transgressions 🙂 Just wanted you to know that I cited you as “Primo Example Numero Uno” (and given my lack of intelligence in foreign languages and daily struggles with English, I think that is redundant) when the current FIGs Coordinator (Anna V.) and I were meeting with two English faculty about the possible creation of a Digital Storytelling FIG. I said something to the effect of “If we come up with some sort of title/description that appeals to faculty/staff, we’re dead, but if we can come up with something similar to what Marina does in her blog, i.e. digital storytelling, then we might just have a winner. Here’s to you Marina….years after you left the MU and the FIGs program, and even a year after your 15+ minutes, you’re still on our minds and still making an impact with your example. Keep up the good work, and never forget that I told you, at a FIGs Core meeting, that one day I would say….”I knew her when….” You (and that amazing father of yours and your ever-patient mother) continue to amaze and delight me. 🙂
WWPSD = What Would Patrick Swayze Do..
Not white woman post saucy dance (video) then
I, too, have not, and probably will not figure life out, but I think what you’re doing now is exactly what you were meant to do. My only gripe is that you haven’t been updating your blog enough. Love your work!
Stuart,
You’re totally right. I know, I know. Give me a topic and a date and I’ll write something!
Random internet encounters, by the 13th of October. Do it.
Random Internet Encounters. October 13. You got it.
You really wrote a blog post based on your assignment! That’s so cool. I agree with Stuart that you haven’t been updating your blog enough.
Your Jerry Maguire moment was even better than Jerry Maguire’s.
“That’s how you become great, man. Hang your balls out there”
You are an inspiration.
Well, I guess its easier to quit a job where you’re working a lot for almost no reward.
It’s much more difficult when you don’t have to work that much, but still get paid tons and tons of money. The only issue is you feel empty inside and that there is nothing stimulating about it.
Wow. I just stumbled upon your video while I googled “reasons to quit your job.” I loved it. Watched it several times. I am currently fighting my way out of a very toxic work environment that has caused me to gain weight, elevated my blood pressure, and re-awakened a previously dormant anxiety problem. Every. Single. Day. there I am pushed to my wit’s end with not enough time, space, and staff to do my job well. Saw the clip of you on a news show, where you said, at 25, that you did not know anything. Your statement on this blog about leaving a situation that makes you feel bad, stupid, etc…. very good advice. I’d say you are wise beyond your years. I plan to make my move soon. I will continue to follow your career with interest. Best of luck to you.
I’m confused by this story. You were in Taiwan in September 2013, and did the video while you were in Taiwan and flew from Taiwan to Los Angeles? I’m sorry I’m all kinds of slow with this story, but I just found your LinkedIn article. 🙂
Hi Jackie,
I posted that video the last weekend of September, the next night I flew to LA for two days, then to NYC for three days, back to LA for a week and then Chicago. After a couple of weeks in Chicago I flew back to Taiwan for a week and then to Chicago where I stayed for the holidays/new year. In Feb. of 2014 I moved to LA for good. Don’t worry about keeping track! I can barely do that either.
It’s really a great story and I wish I had your guts. But did you live and work in NYC or Taiwan? Your company was in Taiwan? I assume the video you made (Interpretive Dance For My Boss Set To Kanye West’s Gone) went viral Sept. 28, 2013?
Great message. Glad to see good stuff coming your way …you earned it 🙂