I love living in New York more than anything I have ever loved (including peanut butter, small bows and a well-made vodka martini), but I need to get out.
A couple of months ago I walked into the coffee shop I frequent and bought two things; a soy cappuccino (extra foam of course) and a ticket to Chile.
It was the tail-end of winter. I was three feet deep into my yearly struggle with Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD) — a crippling depressive disorder affecting rich white people who’ve gained weight from all the grande pumpkin lattes they have been downing (webmd).
When a gchat window popped up:
ben: how are you?
me: in a little bit of slump, and you mi amor?
ben: I am doing well. What’s up?
me: ugh I just have been basically bedridden for five days and if im not in bed im at work, it’s been raining for the past two weeks…blah blah blah
ben: Well, I have over-fantisized about you coming to Chile.
me: i know ben i love new york but i need to breathe
ben: COME TO CHILE!
me: I really miss you. Why did we not get surgically attached in college?
ben: live and learn…and it’s never too late.
20 minutes later I bought a roundtrip ticket to Chile.
The first question people ask me when they find out I booked a flight to Chile is whether or not it’s to see a boy. I hate that question.
What if my actions aren’t motivated by impressing a male? What if I did it to feel a sense of empowerment, to disappear from America for a bit, to push my boundaries and see something I’ve never seen before?
But in this case, it was to see a boy.*
To all those people that give me a smug, judgmental stare when I answer to their suspicions:
I am seeing a boy who loves me so much it reminds me why I need to love myself. Who inspires me with his dedication to his passions, willingness to move to a different country and to adopt a new culture. I am seeing someone that makes me laugh until I am in tears, understands me and who will always be a boy I love.
Did I think through the purchase? No. Timing? No. Anything? No.
Did it make me happy? Yes.
Everyone is crazy. Everyone hits bumps (or slumps), but how are you going to fix them? Who cares what it is that motivates you to take a risk; love, yourself, fear or a combination of the three.
If the weather is getting you down, or you need a break from life, DO IT: figure out the details later.
“Too many people go through life complaining about their problems. I’ve always believed that if you took one tenth the energy you put into complaining and applied it to solving the problem, you’d be surprised by how well things can work out.” — Randy Pausch